Nuisance

After a couple of attempts to have our own homeowners' association and failed, we now have at least a budding organization. It may not be as perfect as the homeowners wanted to become… at least things are now moving. What fuels the movement??? Just a retired 72-year old lady with extra-ordinary leadership skills. Perhaps maybe she just want things to be organized and adding up her past experience.

One will be ashamed thinking that I was one of those people who helped organized but failed. I thought that organizing is not my forte, and I was impatient, that I had to give up. I failed.

I am not really sure if it is really in the Filipino's heart to pull down a fellow when things are in shape. Or is it a cultural flaw? I just don't understand. I am almost always annoyed with all those Fil-foreigners throwing bad comments/blogs about this very country that molds me. I thought that these guys doesn't have the right to comment as they are no longer "pinoys" as they used to be. But on the other hand, I find these comments full of damn truth. What else can I do but shamefully shrug…

One classic example. A group of guys wanted to derail the progress of our budding community. They all have these ideas on how to make our community flourish and progressive. They wanted to speak a lot on meetings, just wanting that their voince is heard and considered. Not only that, it seems  that they only want their voice to be heard. If somebody airs an idea opposing theirs, they will call it being "disrespectful." Wow, is it normal to all cultures or exclusive to our culture only?

Looking back on the previous attempts, these guys are one of the firsts to fail. If their ideas and "stragedies" are effective, where were the results? Were there any valid progress at all? Were things organized during their failed attempts? These guys just want to fuck someone else's ass then leave. Shockingly, they also make up some tales then would just deny it or "edit" all the stories to their fucking perfection.

Things are moving quite well under Mommy's leadership. For the first time in almost three years that we see some movements. It's nice to know that there is an opposition. I believe it is healthy. But seeing all these makes one to be annoyed. What the fuck are they doing??? I myself tried before but fail and I can't just help but ashmed to the fact that this retired lady who is supposed to enjoy her retirement does something for us and doing really well… We didn't have the milestones that her leadership has now!!!

This may explain the ugliness of our political system. I thought that these politicians started it all but now I realized that it started from the bottom up.

Mommy would say to me, "Jay, this is a fucking cruel world…" and I would tell her back… " Mommy, nasa Pilipinas tayo…" Then we are cool.

My second time around

It was 3 in the afternoon when my wife called me that she was having contractions. Wow! I just can't wait for this moment after nine months of waiting for our first born. I immediately escaped work and went straight to the hospital where my wife and my mother-in-law waited.

Our OB-Gyne told us that it may be that ella will be giving birth in a couple of days because her pelvic openning was still small but we can decide to stay in the hospital overnight if we decide to.

We thought it over. The baby was on his due. Right on the spot.

So we decided. We immediately rushed for a room at 7pm. Ella was in pain, worried, and at the same time excited. Me? I just can't explain. Like I was going to be circumcised again. I'm going to be a full pledged Daddy screams in my mind. Texted like a first timer to my buddies and all that. That was really fun.

After 12hours in the labor room, our OB-Gyne had her under her knife.

I had some pictures in the operating room but nothing could compare the feeling of seeing Josh for the first time in the nursery. I had mixed emotions. Mindsets suddenly changed in the span of 12hours. Happy. Worried. Willing. Hesitant. It's like no other. He looks like me! screaming in my thoughts violently!!! Wow!!! I just couldn't wait to have him on my arms!

They said it was First Time Syndrome. Maybe.

That was a year and a half ago.

Last May, Lela came. Wow. The same excitement. The adrenaline rush. The camera flashes. The same First Time Syndrome. It's a girl! I have a baby girl!!! I have a baby girl!!! She looks like me!!! Wahhhhhhhhhh!!!

More worries. Mindset overload. But looking forward and I am thanking God for the second blessing. For the second time around.

Will there be third? I don't know. I'll keep my fingers crossed…

Last Day

How would I like my last moment to be?

I haven't seen a person on his death bed before but I heard some stories and mostly these stories are from the movies. One story struck me hard.

My good cousin passed away about two weeks ago after a heart failure episode following a sudden low-potassium level in his system. In less than 24 hours, he retired… with so much pain in his heart.

"Wiggy, tawagan nako si Weng para makastorya mo karon ba… (I'll call your wife so that you could be able to talk to her now…)" Makith, her sister told her during his ordeal. She believed that it would had been the perfect moment for the both of them to talk after a failed marriage.

The last time they talked was months ago. After that, I was told that kuya had never been so sad all his life. A week before his passing, he complained to ate Makith how bad his life had been, with all the pain he's felt, about his failed marriage, about his love for his daughters, hi in-laws. He lamented why he was so weak and Makith is stronger than him in so many ways and he cried hard with hard breathings.

"Saba diha!!! Tawag tawag anang bayhanang way pagpakabana nako!!! (Shut up!!! Why call that woman who never cared about me!!!" With all his might he shouted at ate makith that time… She must have hurt him so badly…

Reflecting on his death, how would I like my last moments be?

Maybe, I like to be alone in my death bed… I mean with no one staring at me die slowly. I don't want to hear my love ones cry.. or hear them that I hold on.. or hear them how good or how bad a person I was..

And I don't want to say something that would hurt…

Hopefully.

Money, Confidence, and Friendships

I once worked for a top sales company in the Philippines as an account manager for core business division. At first, I was a bit hesitant to shift from being a technical person to sales. Though, I had been selling before, I am just hesitant to the fact that my my selling experience was very basic.

The very reason I joined this company was for my survival. The manufacturing company that I was employed to was cutting down workdays and laying-off some of the workforce. When they offered a redundancy program, I was lucky enough to be one of the applicants to be approved.

It was culture shock the very day I joined this company. I never thought that it would be that tough but I tried to learn as much as I can take for me to fit in. Lucky for me, my primary role was to maintain some small companies and grab some oppurtunity if there are any.

After nine months, I had my first sale. I was able to steal business from the competitor that was holding the business for five years. Though the business was small, it was my first milestone being a salesman. After that, some more sales came in. I was one of the topsalesman then. I can't say that I am good. I just believe to the thinking of being positive with some lucks around. I did received some awards for outstanding sales. Cool.

However, I came to the point where I was starting to compare the margins I was providing to the company against my salary. In a way, maybe I was just a person who wants more… Like most of us, unsatisfied. Second, I just started having a family and the revenue was not enough for us to survive… or was just that we spend more than what we can afford.

I need money (again…).

An opportunity came. I was pirated. Cool.

I knew I was about to get promoted. I knew I had a future with the company. I had good friendships. I had the company's trust. But, where's the money?

I took the bait. One could say that I was hurting my friends and the company who helped me grow. I also knew for the fact that I was joining a start-up company and that things will be tough. I also knew for the fact that I was joining a competitor and it may have sent a wrong signal to my clientile. But I need money…

It was horrifying. I had seen things that was once a hearsay. It must be a joke. I was trying harder and harder each day yet I don't see any results. My boss would give me a call and would try to say things that I don't expect from a boss. I started to tumble and failing. Confusion adds up to the my concerns. It was a free-fall.

I remember my boss telling me that it was my last month. For himself, he was trying to tell me that he lost a lot of friendships because of me even at the very first day that I joined this company. I took his words.

Money.

"Mr. Jay, I hope that money can make you happy…" Those were the last words my previous boss told me… and I never was. I lost some confidence. I lost friendships. I lost respect. I was losing.

I realize that I shouldn't have took the bait. I should have stayed. I should have waited for the right time. I should have thought of the farm philosophy. But that was then…

I am happy now. I am starting to bring back my confidence. I have renewed some of the friendships that I lost. I could say that I don't see money as a big part of my decision making. Though money makes sense after all, it can never buy friendships, self-confidence, and peace of mind.

I am 30 and moving on…

Thanks God I'm 30!

I remember the my first day in school back when I was 6 in my hometown in Mindanao. I was a very confident lad knowing that my mom had been teaching me the alphabet and basic maths since I was 4. I can read! 'Carabao, dog, cat, house… teacher…' Cool. I was confident, I know I was better than most of my 7-year old classmates back then.

I also remember when I first had a taste of a hard life. My dad was out of work after 15 years of government service and never had a job since then. I was 10 then. My mom, who never had a job, had to fought hard for us to live. My dad, frustrated, turned alcoholic and messed-up. My mom had to sell our TV after the electric company cut off the supply… then the fridge. It was so frustrating. For years, I was helping my mom earn a living. First I found myself selling sando bags at the public market with my muslim friends. My dad had to scold me for doing that. Reason? He was just ashamed that his officemates may have seen me doing that. It didn't matter for me anyway. I was earning P1.50 of the P1.00 capital. At the end of the day, I bring home a kilo of rice and my mom fish or beef bones for dinner. Lucky for us though, we didn't had to pay rent. My mom was tasked by our landlord to look after the house for 5 years… At 11, I was a shoe shine boy. I was then on the streets. Fruit vendor. Cigarette vendor. News boy. Banana Q vendor. While my mom was selling some stuffs house to house. My mom had to venture into 5-6 and most of the time she can't pay, she had to hide. My dad, with his friends.

Looking back, I realized that God must be very good. Cool. Despite, me and my siblings had a decent education. We feel that our endurance to life's cruelty is starting to pay-off. I'm still selling now, maybe this is my passion. A legacy of my mom. My sister is also selling. My brother is on a job hunting. Mom is still selling. Dad is still an alcoholic but we are now good friends. I remember him one time telling me… 'Dong, ikaw ang ako saviour, salamat…' It felt good from a father who never spoke of me since. I know I love him and I have my way of telling him how much I care for him.

I'm now 30 and I'm still moving on. I now have my own family and growing. Josh has been giving us life since he was born a year ago. Ella and I are expecting the second one on June. Cool and I love it! It's a good life, it really is.

I'm 30 and I am thanking my mom for the legacy she shared to us. I thank my dad for the reason of our living. I thank Ella for giving me the joy of being loved. I thank Josh for the welcoming smiles in the morning. I thank God for the life, for the good life.

I'm 30 and I'm still moving on.